I got chris browned last night
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
