Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
