This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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