4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
