Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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