just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
