What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
