You're so nebulous sometimes
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
