ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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