If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
