if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
