I think I died a long time ago.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Need sex. Gaining weight.
even my farts smell like vagina
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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