I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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