If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
