You smell like a Billy Joel song
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
