she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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