dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
