I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
