all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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