How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
farters have to be the big spoon...
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
