Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Randomize
