His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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