if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
