You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
