I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
