dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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