Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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