No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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