ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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