Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
