In the future we'll all be gay
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
