I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
