Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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