There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
