I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
