I'm going to jail i love you
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
