I think im going to throw up on grandma
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
