Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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