Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
