I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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