Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
