i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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