He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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