my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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