Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
