Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Randomize
