I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
