drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
