I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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