You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
