so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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