I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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