he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
