we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
