the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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