So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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