@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
His hands were made for my vagina.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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